The Great White North Eh!

We hopped the bus to leave for Canada with our temporary bus driver. See if you have a record you can't get a passport and apparently our driver has one so that's lovely to know and we get a stranger for a week. He was off to an auspicious start too by apparently not knowing how to get a bus out of a parking lot without hitting a car and ripping a hole through the side of the bus like an iceberg on the Titanic. Awesome. Better yet, he looked in his mirror and kept driving. We thought he had hit a curb or tree or something.

We arrived at the border shortly after leaving and a patrol officer boarded the bus to do what seemed to be his standup routine. I'm so glad I spent $200 to rush a passport that he didn't even want to look at. We would have gotten through the border a lot faster if not for Melissa declaring, when asked, that she had pepper spray on her. But not just pepper spray: pepper spray that her mother had bedazzled and written things on like "Don't mess with me". She had to take the thing in the building and was there for a good ten minutes. We're guessing it wasn't so much about clearing her as it was for the officer to show it to the other officers so they could get a good giggle. With Mel finally back on the bus we all conked out for the short drive to Kingston, Ontario.

Almost instantly the signage switched over to a mix of French and English or all French which we didn't expect until Quebec. There was a nasty snowstorm going and it took us longer to get to our hotel than we had planned. We checked in and I exchanged some cash then went over to the drugstore. The whole area reminded me of the U.K., shopping especially, with the products and the packaging. I grabbed a not so quick bite to eat before bus call.

The downtown area where the theatre was located was cute and I wish we had been staying there as there was all kinds of bars and shops but being a one-off we would not have had time to explore anyway except after the show. The theatre was very small and we, again, had a half bridge show. The dressing room was on the third floor and the props were in the basement. I HATE these venues. Doing that many stairs over and over in a show while wearing high-heeled boots and long dresses really sucks. The stage door was in an alley that had some interesting graffiti such as you see Will posing with below. Our poor crew, who after an awful string of one-offs and bad load-ins and load-outs, was as fried as I've ever seen them and running on fumes. The night was basically about getting through the show and trying to make it to our golden day that coming Sunday. This shot of Peter (props and running crew) pretty much says it all. Pinner even had some lighting equipment dropped on his head and had to be checked for a concussion. Not a good night.

The next morning we were travelling all day to a stopover in New Brunswick. The snow had subsided and the crew was travelling with us which is unusual but nice. Not on our bus but at the same time. We stopped for lunch in Montreal and Jeff and Pinner had a snowball fight with Quentin and his dad. We struggled to read the Quiznos menu as it was all in French but managed to work it out thanks to some patient employees who seemed very entertained by this big group of nutty Americans.

We spent the night in a little town on the edge of Quebec and New Brunswick where everything was still in French. We arrived late into this sleepy hamlet that was covered in snow and looked like a little snow globe town. Me, Erin, Jeff and Walter found a place that was still open for dinner (a challenge, believe me) then headed over to a local bar that was also devoid of patrons except for us, our music director and two locals. We did a few shots and sampled the local beers before going to get a few hours of shut-eye.

The next morning we journeyed on to St. John where we were excited to be staying for a few nights and the crew would finally get some much needed rest. The hotel was kinda sketchy and not near anything so we were presented with our usual challenge. Adding to the difficulty was the fact that there was so much snow on the ground that there was no sidewalk and no safe place to walk. There was a 24 hour restaurant in the lobby that opened at 5:00. Read that sentence again. That's not a typo, please explain this concept to me. The lady that worked the front desk most of the time was very nice but like a bizarre character study. She was rail thin with HUGE 80's glasses, very thin but big teased out hair, 80's sweaters, leather bottoms (ALWAYS, either pants or a skirt) and a sad palsy. Parkinson's maybe?

Our theatre was really beautiful and spacious, especially for an old place. We're usually crammed in there but it was nice and we loved the crew. My dresser was extra snarky in a good way. At the top of the show I come on, set a bench and leave in-one off stage left. In the wings is the coffin for scene three. This damn coffin is dark and in the dark wings. Couple this with the fact that we have light towers in the wings that blind us when we come offstage and you've got a potential disaster. Numerous cast and crew members have run into this damn thing and hurt their shins. Bart, our T.D., still has a scar on his shin from his encounter with it. So of course, I, who had asked time and again that the thing be outlined in white tape so we can see where it is, came off and biffed it uber hard right into the coffin and proceeded to fall on top of it. You know how sometimes the pain is so bad you are rattled for a while and it sets your teeth on edge? Well that was me and I had about 3 minutes before I had to go on. Bart rushed off to Dan to get me ice bags which I didn't have time to sit down and use so Maggie stripped my tights off and shoved the ice packs in them to sit on my shins and I did all of act one like that. I was in so much pain that I wasn't even sure I was saying the right lines in my scene and just prayed I was. Chaz said he couldn't even tell I was distracted which amazes me. The rest of the show went fine but I went back to the hotel to put my legs up and ice them while everyone else went bar hopping. I hear I missed quite the outing.

The next day Jen, Ashley and I got a cab and went to the St. John Central Market, a centuries old classic market of food and craft vendors downtown that was also attached to a mall. One of our first stops was to the drugstore where I bought 2 boxes of muscle relaxers and a huge bottle of Tylenol with Codeine...because I could. Don't worry, they are not being abused. But I did take some of the Tylenol for my shins which hurt even when I was just sitting and had already turned blue. Anyway, we had a lovely day of shopping. I picked up a shirt for Mike from the St. John Pirate Supply Shoppe, got a hand painted picture of a covered bridge in the province, some handmade origami crane earrings, a bottle of local wine and a handmade maple leaf necklace. We had a nice lunch then headed off to the theatre. The second show went well also. Really great audiences in Canada. After the show we took Bart, whose birthday it was, to a local bar downtown and had a great time with him. Bart is only 30 but kind of quiet and reserved so we proceeded to get him hammered buying shot after shot. Then I pulled out the awful porn magazine I had made Mike buy me (I was challenged to start putting things in my basket at the end of act one that people look in so I chose porn) and that got passed around. Bart ended up with it and was doing dramatic readings in what became one of the best moments I've ever experienced on tour. We were all crying we were laughing so hard.

Sunday was our golden day and we were thrilled especially since it was Super Bowl Sunday! It was a very relaxed day. I did laundry and we all slept in really late. We decided to go to this sports bar called Rocky's that was recommended to us by some locals. There were quite a few of us so we called a couple of cabs. Right off the place was packed and it was hard to find a place that could seat us all near each other and still see a TV. The food was awful and overpriced (as are many things in Canada even though the exchange rate is in our favor) and we couldn't hear the damn game until we begged several times to get the game audio on in the bar. Most patrons didn't seem to give a rat's ass about the Super Bowl and I guess we shouldn't have been surprised seeing where we were. We did enjoy watching the game and Jeff and I spent it talking smack to each other since I was rooting for the Steelers and he for the Cardinals. There was, of course, some drinking involved.
This odd man and woman came and sat down next to us and we knew they were off right away. She was clearly both drunk and disturbed and reminded me of the old lady from the movie "Throw Mama from the Train". She ordered a drink and a BUCKET of lemons. The silverware on the tables was in these little galvanized buckets and she filled one with lemon wedges. She kept babbling loudly to no one while the man sat there in strange silence. At one point she poked me and told me I was her queen. Not ten minutes later she threw her drink everywhere including all over me causing me to whip around and go off on her. Jeff proceeded to get the waitress and get her thrown out. It was hardly worth yelling at her because she was so nuts but I was covered in god knows what and she was postal. We left shortly after halftime ended and watched the remainder of the game on Jeff's amazing TV in his room. The hotel was old and sketchy but had bangin' TVs. The kids enjoyed watching episodes of "The Simpsons" in French.

Completely frozen, pickled and nearly broke we departed St. John Monday morning for a three day trek down the east coast to Gainesville, Florida.